MTSS 2: Abstinence

Our second episode looks at the pros and cons of abstinence. If you like our show, tell your friends about us!

65 Responses to “MTSS 2: Abstinence”


  1. 1 Matthew Wayne Selznick

    You’re on to a very, very good thing here. A friend and I were trying to figure out if the show was parody, or educational. I settled on paroducational.

    Your balance of the ridiculous with eyes-straight sincerity (with a subtle dose of personal history) is wonderful — honest, funny, and very real.

    I hope this podcast becomes the cool big sister a lot of girls could really use.

  2. 2 Stephen Eley

    I’m the friend Matt was talking about above. I think what you’re doing is terrific — very, very funny. I’m already LiveJournaling and Twittering about it; if at any point you make an audio promo, let me know and I’ll play it on my podcast and personally endorse it. (We get about 15,000 downloads per episode.)

    Thanks, and keep this up. It’s my new favorite video podcast.

  3. 3 TexasGal

    Hmmm…I don’t know what to make of this…maybe you should expand on this topic, you know, talk to some men and women (teens as well of course) that are abstinent. I’m abstinent, and I know that I’m definitely not ready (even for a 20-something!) for a sexual relationship with anyone, but even more so because of my cultural background….I dunno….Just shootin the breeze there ;-P

  4. 4 Nikol

    Hi TexasGal,

    We would love it if you wanted to write to us and tell us more about your choice to remain abstinent.
    And your reason listed here is just fine. It is one of the two reasons we listed that make sense. #1- You aren’t ready. It take a real level of maturity to know that about yourself.

    Tell me more. nikol@midwestteensexshow.com

  5. 5 Courtney

    I, on the other hand, am very ready for sex. Especially with that real funny girl in the video…

  6. 6 Dr. Jen

    Courtney,
    First hand knowledge…one word…Breathtaking. I bet you wish I was lying. I’m not…

  7. 7 jeremy

    abstinence… is that really the topic? hahahaha love it. This should be an after school special because it’s so uncompromisingly real. I wish I had seen this when I was a teen. Alas, I spent my teen years being absolutely scared of sex, now I’m just confused!

    we need more(of this show)!

  8. 8 Jennifer

    Sounds like you’re really trying to make abstinence uncool. Like you stated all the really cool kids are doing it and that if I don’t do it I wouldn’t be “cool”. Also you said the best age for having sex is 17. WHAT??? That sounds like promoting sex to me.

    Very contradicting if you ask me.

  9. 9 Fergie

    I think this show totally promotes sex. What’s wrong with promoting sex? I am seventeen and I have sex (protected, with one partner.) Arrest me! But there is nothing wrong with it and this show at least acknowledges that some teens are doing it, so they want us to make good choices.
    This is a great “educational” site for people who are ready. And I don’t think you are, so that’s fine. But maybe you will be some day and you will be glad this show is here.

    But the best thing about this show is how damn funny it is. I don’t think they really believe that “all of the cool kids” are doing anything. It is a joke.

  10. 10 Booty Cache

    Very informational and very entertaining.

  11. 11 Andy

    To Jennifer - It might seem like promotion, but the truth is that most young people are having sex and it’s these folks that need to know that it can be healthy and fun, and that it’s not a bad thing.

  12. 12 jim schutz

    What! ! Boring Cub scout meetings?! I was enjoying your webcast until I hear that! Wine is available, and with good company. I still think your webcast is great. I won’t ever compete with an orgasm, but I think you might appreciate the cub den when Trast gets a letter of recommendation from the scouts to enroll in something like college or many others. I am sure that your candidness is a gift to all, an I support this.

    Sorry your bored,
    Your friend,
    Jim

  13. 13 Nikol

    Well, you guys make it much more fun to be certain.

    But to all of you teens out there, DO NOT have kids just because you’ve now found out that cub scout meeting can be fun. Chances are you’ll have a girl.

    Thanks for the support, Jim. I owe you dinner for your good humor.

  14. 14 kitty

    In my humble opinion, if you have a vibrator, or a bathtub water-spout, abstinance is sooooo NOT boring. XD. Personally, I just haven’t found someone that I trust enough to engage in a physical relationship with yet. Your show is hilarious, and a great resource for when I DO find that special someone.

  15. 15 snichael

    VERY funny stuff! (And a great job of producing on those videos, too!)

  16. 16 Misty

    17??? I thought this was a sex positive show, so wtf is with that extremely prudish answer?? Personally I think if you haven’t done it by the time you’re 14, there is something wrong with you.

  17. 17 Bryce

    @misty: It’s not a suggestion, it’s a quote from South Park. Ridiculously funny, if you know the context. The bit goes something like:

    “So, what’s a good age to start having sex.”

    Chef: [long pause] “Seventeen.”

    “But what if I don’t…”

    “Seventeen.”

    “But what if I feel ready when I’m…”

    “Seventeen.”

    “But what if I don’t know a girl who…”

    “Seventeen.”

  18. 18 Don

    My buddy Jon kept telling me to check out this midwestteensexshow site, and i was extremely skeptical about it’s content… but once my wife left for work, I gave it a shot. I love it!

    I have a third option on why to remain abstinent: religious damnation! It worked for me for 25 years! Now I get to have sex with my wife up to twice a month without going to hell… It’s great!

  19. 19 Valerie

    I really like what you’re doing with these videos, but was a bit disappointed with your treatment of the relationship aspect of the decision whether or not to have sex. “I’m not ready” is sort of a 1-sided approach to a decision which affects at least 2 people.

    I’ve tried to make sure the kids in my life know how sex can, even when people have consciously decided to keep things casual, create bonds which persist long after one has decided that the other person is not somebody one wishes to continue a romance with. “Breaking up is hard to do” under the best of circumstances, but it gets a lot harder once sex is in the mix. The plethora of torch songs out there with the stirring theme “s/he’s a sh** and treats me like crap but I neeeeeeeed her/him” is testimony to this basic fact of sex.

    So it’s not just about an individual “being ready”. It’s also about whether the other person is “ready”, and there is a third thing which needs to be ready–the relationship itself.

  20. 20 Lauren

    I’m not impressed with the content of this website. You come off as though you’re simply pro-sex, rather than pro-empowering your viewers to make the right choice for them.

  21. 21 Moni

    The South Park reference to age 17 was just that: A South Park reference. Unfortunately, I think a good number of people will take that literally. Too, I think the whole “all the cool kids are doing it” statement was meant to be rather tounge in cheek.

    See, folks, this is just *one* source of information on teen sexuality. I think it was meant to be light-hearted, funny, peer-generated and focused information. I find it refreshing, because sooo many of us, adults and kids alike, get silly nervous talking about sex.

    But, as it is with all major decisions in life, one should *never* tap in to only one source of information before moving forward. Get information from you local planned parenthood organization. Your parents, if you can trust them. Other adults if you can’t.

    This podcast, in my view, is just one *very valuable* drop of information in a vast sea of resources.

    Kudos, ladies…

  22. 22 Ryan

    Hey guys, very glad for what you are doing with the show - in addition to what others have said, though, I wanted to express a little bit of concern on one point: the idea that if you’re not having sex, you won’t get an STI. While this is true for a broad definition of sex, I think many people equate “having sex” specifically with intercourse, and of course you can contract STI’s from other kinds of sexual activity as well. So you might be a little bit more explicit about what you mean by sex and what you mean by abstinence. Apart from that, keep up the good work.

  23. 23 xx

    hi
    i am from iran

  24. 24 N.S.

    My family was pretty open about sex, and pretty positive that ultimately sex was a good thing. I got comprehensive sex ed starting in 7th grade in school and at church (Unitarian Universalist, so _not_ what you may think about church-based sex ed - very sex-positive.) Had a fairly healthy body image and was pretty confident even through my teen years. Masturbated plenty and learned a lot about my own sexual responses even as a young teen.

    And yet. Didn’t find any other person I wanted to have sex with until I was 26. It’s possible that the fact that I was getting a lot of good orgasms on my own might have made me less inclined to get out there and “do it”. (I’m with kitty, yay vibrators!)

    It’s also true that, personality-wise, I’m a sociable introvert, and enjoy spending time alone as well as with friends; that might have played into my lack of urgency. And I credit the early comprehensive sex ed as well - no impulse to “do it” just to satisfy curiosity, no feeling like I needed to have sex to gain approval from others.

    On the down-side, I do think that coming of age and having this good sex ed in the late 80’s and early 90’s, at the advent of public response to the AIDS crisis in the US, also meant that one message we got a lot of was “Sex might kill you; you might do better to just get off by yourself.” I’m willing to concede that might have played into my choices as a teen not to have sex with a partner.

    In any case, my (late, but well-informed, passionate, and maturely entered-into) first time was great (my partner agreed), the sex I’ve had since has been pretty great (who doesn’t have duds once in a while?), and I’ve never regretted not having sex sooner.

    Your site and your content is awesome - I’m a sex educator, and I’m certainly going to share some of this stuff with my students. My goal is to help my students feel that _any_ sexual choices they make that aren’t harming themselves or others are valid and healthy decisions. We try to convey that sex is fun, it’s a normal and central part of life, you should do it when you’re ready and you want to and you’ve thought about the consequences; but that it’s also okay not to, for however long you choose and at any point in your life.

    Loved this video, much as the others, but did perceive an undercurrent that not having sex, or choosing to be abstinent, is somehow subnormal (i.e., unusual and negative, as opposed to just unusual) - that abstinence is something to be pitied. Don’t expect you to revise what is good content to begin with, but thought a variant perspective might also be worthwhile.

  25. 25 simon

    i just found this and am loving it. though, i gotta say making fun of people with downs syndrome is not cool. at all.

    i’m assuming that’s what the drooling, eye patch look was. if not, it’s still not cool to make fun of folks with eye patches and developmental disabilities. at all.

    looking forward to the next episode. hope you can do better.

  26. 26 tata tata

    thanxs

  27. 27 Josh

    That cancer joke is not funny.

  28. 28 emad

    ilh;h’p'ji’ol

  29. 29 vizzle

    i think its perfectly fine to have sex..i love sex..

  30. 30 drizzo

    a few “jokes” were a little off color here and I think that’s fine–if you were telling them to people who knew you and knew your sense of humor. i can understand why some people have some problems with some of the jokes and you might want to consider those minor implications on what is a really good educational (and hilarious) tool you have going here. not to be a total downer, i really love what you guys are doing. great work. :) can’t wait for the next one!

  31. 31 Peter Paul and Mary

    Well, girls! Nice going. Create more whores!

    whore |hôr| noun derogatory a prostitute. • a promiscuous woman.

  32. 32 tyler

    I luv u

  33. 33 Katie

    First of this video sucks.
    What the hell is the sense in waiting to sshare it with “someone special”? I mean honestly guys want sex and the easy girls give it.

    There’s no love and blah blah blah involved it’s just simpilitltly

    GUYS WANTS puussssy and if you dont give in and your 23897364 years old when you do,
    it’s just staright up gross

    no guy wants a 30 year old unexperienced women,
    seriously

    Kay thanks
    bye

  34. 34 Kat

    I liked the video, but I do feel like it was saying that abstinence is uncool, and if you aren’t having sex you better start trying to get some because everyone else is doing it. Some people are abstinent, so what? It’s their choice. If they have knowledge about sex, and how its work and blah blah, but still decide not to have it, I don’t see why anyone should be pushing them to have sex. That’s not right.

    And Katie, I hope your comment is sarcastic, because otherwise it’s rude and uncalled for. How in the world is it ‘gross’ for someone to be having sex for the first time when they are 30? It’s not like their genitals rot if they aren’t having sex. No one should have sex just because someone wants it from them, or because someone ‘gives it’.
    Also, why do you assume it would only be females who are abstinent? I’m sure you are not speaking for all or even any males when you say guys only want sex.
    I also find it disturbing that you would think that just because a guy wants sex, that means a girl should ‘give in’. That’s called pressuring.

    Really, everyone makes different choices about sex, and whether or not you’re having it shouldn’t be such a big issue.

    and what exactly is,’simpilitltly’ ??

  35. 35 Dave

    This is the kind of verbal sewage that spews from week minded atheists who have no moral compass. The truth about sex is if your not doing it within a loving marriage your no different than a dog. The producers of this filthy media do not care about teens and sex, although they ask for pictures and video if you are doing it (WTF!).

    And the audio verification word is……TRICK
    How appropriate lol

  36. 36 Ashley

    I think this topic of Abstinence is very misleading… The truth is that there is no one definition for what ‘abstinence’ means and therefore people define it differently. For example, some may think that no vaginal penetration is abstinence but anal and oral sex are still ok. And that is fine… however these both can still leave someone open to contracting STI’s and pregnancy (if any ejaculate reaches the vagina there is a risk). In fact, there is a 17% pregnany rate for those who say that abstinence is there primary method of birth control. If you are going to make such claims it is very important to define exactly what you mean and to let people know that any skin to skin contact may lead them susceptible to contracting STI’s. Even kissing someone with a cold sore (herpes) means that you can contract and STI!!!

  37. 37 Sebastian

    Congratulations!!! Great show. Great cast. Great sense of humor!

    Greetings from Europe

    Sebastian

  38. 38 Timmy

    I too felt that this video viewed abstinent people negatively. That is all I can say bad about it, as it is still funny. N.S. - It may be easy for a woman to be abstinent in society, but I have found, as a man, being abstinent makes one a target for ridicule. Katie - you sound like you value yourself negatively. Your vagina isn’t the only thing you have of value to men. As proof, look at the wives of some of the past few presidents, or anyone in government.

  39. 39 Jeff

    This video made me sad.

  40. 40 Timmy

    Another note about the South Park reference: according to Wikipedia, 17 is the age of consent in Colorado, currently. If you didn’t know, South Park is a town in Colorado that they are making fun of. So, Chef is giving sound legal advice to whoever in this scene.

  41. 41 Mr. Rogers

    Trash that mimics the “cool kids’” peer pressure tactics that real sex education is designed to combat. These slick, subversive videos won’t be around when kids get VD and have abortions and bastards.

  42. 42 Nimby

    To “Mr. Rogers”. How DARE you use the name of a great man who actually talked to kids squarely about real-world issues because you’ve deluded yourself into thinking that he would share your viewpoint?
    Nikol, Brit, and Guy are doing the same basic thing: straight-talking. To a different age, certainly. But the principle remains the same.
    And the FACTS are, Mr. Rogers–wait, I’m not going to call you that. I’ll have to call you… um… I guess windbag. So, anyway, windbag, the FACTS are that teens will have sex. Hot, dirty, inexperienced sex.
    The problem is that they will still have sex with each other even if they have no idea what the hell they’re doing. So you might as well teach them something and perhaps save their lives instead of staying on your high horse and preaching from a holier-than-thou standpoint with a smug, self-satisfied smile on your face when PEOPLE’S LIVES COULD BE AT STAKE.
    I can’t stand people like you, honestly. I tried to be as civil as possible.

  43. 43 Dad of Teen Girls

    WOW! I read an article about this website in our local paper today and I’m blown away. My daughters are 19 and 17. Over the years they have become accustomed to the frank conversations their mother and I have had with them about everything from sex to financial responsibility. This website is like a companion piece to what we have discussed with our girls. If there were more frank talk like this there would be fewer kids with STD’s, teen pregnancies and just less angst among teens when it comes sex.

    Keep up the good work!
    Darin

  44. 44 Jeb

    i really dig this. definitely linking it in my blog.

  45. 45 Rick

    I am not surprised, however very dissapointed.I was hoping for good council for youth.Not to be found here.You make it sound like as long as it feels good,your not hurting anyone or yourself then do it.Problem is that your appealing to a teens emotional side.That is why teens are not allowed to buy guns,alcohol,tobacco,and have driving restrictions.Yet you act like there are not possible ramifications for doing these things.Ya,I am older.Ya,I tried those things.Ya,left behind a lot of hurts that cannot be undone.Fact is that your setting up young poeple for confused lives & broken relationships later on.Your very accurate when you say that guys aren’t wanting lasting realtionships with a hoe.My 21 yr old daughter just explained to her boyfriend how important it is to her to keep herself for the one she marries and will not share that until the day he commits his life to her.You make it sound like there is no emotion in it at all.Guess that is true for a teenage boy.His brain is being trained that sex is all about physical.Wait until he marries a wife that wants more.She wants romance,he wants sex.Your audience is young,& they will chime in with you because they have not lived long enough to reel in the rewards of this lifestyle.I personally surveyed 40 married women.Your information is void.It lacks understanding and coming from a woman I am surprised.Guess you should get out of your envelope and do some fact finding on your own.Once you give yourself one time,you will never have that to give again.I meet alot of young girls who have been told they were loved up until the time they were pregnet.Can you guess what happened then?The problem was not lack of birth control,it was lack of self control.Most guys have “0″.Hey, thanks for making it easy for the guys.

  46. 46 Adie

    I know you think this is funny and all, like the whole bit about how “all the cool kids are doing it”, but seriously?

    Whether you realize it or not, there are actually kids who are going to watch this sh** and take it seriously.

    Do you think you’re actually doing something good? I mean, really?

  47. 47 Ali G in da house(thats not my real name by the way...lol)

    many people doesnt want to have sex before they get married…like me! and i’m happy^^ why would it be boring? we humans arent some perv going around thinking about sex all the time…yeah and i’m 17 soon 18 but i dont have any plans on getting married untill like i’m in my 20s:)and you said that you would feel bad for the spouse …why? you can experiment untill you get as good as someone that did have sex before marrige…so whats the problem? however its your choice…so i dont really care about people having sex before marrige…but it only have negative sides as far as i know…^^ nice vid by the way^^

  48. 48 Mari

    I love all your videos but quite honestly this video just made me feel so… bad… about myself. Because I do not plan on having sex until marriage. (I am 18.) Other things, okay. But that doesn’t make me deformed. STDs really are a big concern (plannedparenthood.com: 1/4 of teens graduating have an std). And I’m not going to argue with anyone who wants to have sex before that, but i really don’t think there is an issue with waiting like you make out there to be. I don’t think my husband will hold it against me too much… (i mean, we sort of have the rest of our lives to practice!) Not to mention that my boyfriend atm is the same way I am… so I don’t think anyone will mind too much. And if I ever date a guy who wants to drop me when I won’t have sex, then they weren’t really worth the effort in the first place.

    And to anyone that reads this: hey, good work if you lost your virginity at 14. I’m sure you’ll cherish the moment forever. But personally, I am not ready, I do not plan on being ready soon, and I do not think it is prudish, selfish, silly or stupid to wait.

  49. 49 Newlywed

    I saw this site on the news today and decided to check it out. It does have its good points–growing up Catholic I was taught that sex is bad until marriage. I’ve been married for 6 months and I’m still having troubles with the whole-mindset. This site shows teens that sex is okay and it is perfectly natural and enjoyable.

    However, there are issues that need to be brought up. Instead of simply saying, “Sex sex sex is good,” why not give some helpful information? Stds, pregnancy, emotional trauma, so on and so forth. Teens need to be taught that sex is fine but they don’t want to be taught that having sex with everyone they think they “love” is the way to do things.

    As stated by someone earlier, teens (as a whole) are not fully developed and tend to act without thinking of consequences. Tell teens that sex isn’t exactly a lauging matter but is serious–something that shouldn’t happen over night, but one should really determine if this is what they truly want.

  50. 50 cutthroat

    i was 14 when i lost my virginity. in a hot tub with my best friends crush.. i was a huge c***. took a long time for her to forgive me.
    next time i was 15 and he was 19 could have gotten him for rape.. as well as.. i thought he gave me herpes.. thank God it was only an ingrown hair.
    only thing i can say about this is that i wished i had saved it for someone i loved or atleast, somewhat cared about. and who cared about me. i was abstinent for 5 years 15-20 those years were the best. i knew who really liked me and who didnt. if they didnt care about sex and cared about me, they stuck around. if they were pissed cuz i wouldnt give it up.. they werent worth my time and i didnt let them stick around.
    I HAD THE CONTROL! I HAD THE BALL! and when it was right.. i let the right man in. and we made it great.. just dont let some one take control of you. EVER!
    always control what goes in and what comes out… you are better than someones weekend kicks.. remember that. God will still love you no matter what.. but will you still love yourself? thats the ultimate question. and will he even answer your phone calls?

  51. 51 Mehran

    Hahaha, you guys are awesome! Just started watching the show too :P Must admit though, you guys are frickin hilarious, and with that topic in mind you actually keep to the subject. Keep up the good work!!

  52. 52 sarah

    if u masterbate r u still abstinent???

  53. 53 Ubiquitous Che

    Sarah: I’d say yes.

    Admittedly, there are some people of a puritan disposition that would disagree… But who cares about them?

  54. 54 Puritiranical

    I waited until I was married and it was not difficult with the right friends and church youth leaders and loving parents. Learning together with my also virgin bride was wonderful even though sometimes frustrating, because we learned TOGETHER and it is one of the many things that has kept us together now for 22 years. The emotional bonds can have a much more lasting effect than the physical diseases.

    You underestimate teenagers by telling them it is not realistic to wait, and it really does form an important bond. I don’t trust your very slanted opinions and would only possibly recommend your site as a discussion of the topics and your very liberal bias. Great humor but a warped view of morality (if you have any at all regarding sexual purity).

  55. 55 Guy

    Puritiranical,

    I would point you towards viewer HAL’s video response to this episode and the discussion that follows.

    http://midwestteensexshow.com/2008/02/11/video-response-to-our-abstinence-episode/

  56. 56 Snerf

    I had been confused about this stuff for a while and I think that these podcasts are a really great thing for people who are looking for some educational philosophy that is entertaining as well. I was reading the comments that people are leaving and I think some individuals are taking it all the wrong way. What these wondeful filmakers are doing aren’t demoting abstinence they’re simply telling kids that it’s alright to be feeling and wanting what they are feeling and wanting as long as they go about it in a safe way. I think the advice that they are giving to people is very helpful and, unlike some of the cloudriders here, completely down-to-earth and realistic. keep it up guys. they are AMAZING. i love em.

  57. 57 n.a

    To all of you who are saying what a horrible show this is, something to consider: who is more likely to come across this website in the first place? the teen who has the self control and interest in remaining abstinent for years? or the teen who is feeling pressures of society, as well as their own personal interest in sex, and has some fears they want to sort out before the decide to have sex. If I wanted to be abstinent, I wouldn’t need a website to tell me it’s ok, but if I am considering venturing forth into the terrifying world of sex…well then I may be looking for some more information. With these teens (or older) as the target demo, I think this show is wonderful.

    I love the sense of humour in all of these podcasts, I was recently introduced to this show, and found myself watching all of the episodes in one sitting.

  58. 58 saintly

    As an adult troubled by the push for teens to be totally abstinent, but equally troubled by the dangers of STDs, teen pregnancy and cub scout meetings, I really enjoyed this video. I appreciate that it presented the positive aspects of waiting, but did not shame teens who are or want to have sex.

    That being said, I also have to comment that making fun of people with disabilities is really, really uncool. Believe it or not, people whose bodies do not function like most of ours are still sexual beings, and can have healthy, fun, consensual sex- even if you personally find them unattractive. Maybe it would be a good thing to teach teens that those who are different from them or from their ideas of sexy are still sexual and are still worthy of respect.

  59. 59 scamps

    What makes ME sad is how seriously some viewers take the content.

  60. 60 abe

    you guys are so pathetic. abstinence is the best choice.
    sex is meant for marriage and with only one partner. ever.
    that’s the way we were designed.

    you feel sorry for the future partner? why?
    if they stay abstinent for you, it means so much more
    and you can give your spouse your whole heart.

    you’re basically saying it’s ok to fuck anyone you want, and that it’s cool.
    pathetic. it’s stuff like this show that are sending this country down the toilet.

  61. 61 click here

    Wow, this is a great web site. I am so glad I found it, thank you. It is funny, I was just talking to my friend about their web site, and they said they like your site too!

  1. 1 Midwest Teen Sex Show: Episode #2 Abstinence | Laughing Squid
  2. 2 » Midwest Teen Sex Show: Episode #2 Abstinence
  3. 3 Video Response to our Abstinence Episode at Midwest Teen Sex Show
  4. 4 Anonymous

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